A while ago, I learned of this book about a little boy who was in surgery for a ruptured appendix when he claims he went to Heaven and met Jesus and God and many others. "Heaven Is For Real". This book intrigued me from the moment I heard about it. I think I mainly wanted to read it out of curiosity. I am impatient to know what Heaven is like and this could be the only way to find out for now. But I do not spend much time in bookstores on a tight budget and most of my time in the library is spent following little ones around the picture book section. So over time the thought of the book slipped my mind until I heard a friend say last night that she had just finished it and I remembered I wanted to read it. Since I recently got a Nook, I went online and made a little impulse buy :) I knew if I didn't get it right then I would forget again.
I was raised in a religious family; not the go to church every Sunday, read the Bible every night type of religious family, but my mom taught me about God at a very young age. She prayed with me every night, just as I pray with my own kids now. I can remember going to Sunday School when I was about 4 or 5 and I remember going to the Baptist Church a few times with my mom and my Grandma, who would slip me candy from her purse. My dad was raised as a Catholic and I can remember going to the church with my Grandparents when they were visiting here or we were visiting them. Growing up I never doubted the existence of God or Jesus. It was what I was told and I just accepted it. As I became an adult I went thru a phase where I questioned it all. I was realizing that everyone is going to die eventually and that would include me. I started to wonder, what if they are wrong? What happens then?
As if to answer my questions, God pointed me to my husband. Now he was raised in a go to church on Sunday, read the bible at night home. He attended a Lutheran high school and was not ashamed to tell me right when we met that he is a firm believer and no one will change that. While we didn't begin attending church regularly right away, when we were expecting our 3rd child, we began going every Sunday we could. Over time and after many in depth talks with him, I felt alot more comfortable with religion. I started to really think about it, and I have come to the conclusion that, of course it is true. There really is no other explanation. I believe there is a God and He created us and the world around us. And I believe my life is on a path, everything I do is not because I choose to, it's how it's suppose to be. If I try to change it, I find myself back on the path in one way or another.
Many of my friends also have a deep rooted faith and I have had countless conversations with them about life, after life, moral decisions and what we are supposed to do, and not supposed to do with this life we are given.I also know many people who have no faith at all, and it breaks my heart. I have also had talks with them and I have been told I will convince them as easily as they could convince me of their beliefs. These are people that I love and hate to think of what will happen to them after they die. I wish there was more I could do for them, but I guess each person has to get there in their own time, and I have a little comfort knowing it is never to late; they could change their minds.....
Back to the book, when I first sat down the thought crossed my mind-is it truly a true story. Now I know a 3 year old would not have the capacity to make this entire thing up, so-did the dad make it up? That's a horrible thought to have about a pastor! Then I thought well maybe he let some of these ideas in without realizing it and the little boy thought it was a memory. Kids are, after all, very sponge-like. Finally I decided I had to read it with an open mind and not think too hard about it. I got very involved very quickly. When he first revealed the things the boy had seen, I thought it really does sound just like what we are told. There are many passages from the bible that I didn't know and I learned tonight and I finished the book feeling very amazed about what it will be like to go to Heaven. There are some pictures at the end of the book of this little boy and his family. I was looking thru them, thinking now that's a cutie, when I came to the picture that a little girl drew of Jesus. Now this girl has also seen Him and was blessed with the ability to show what she saw, besides tell it. The little boy from the story was shown the picture and said, that is Him. It took a second to realize that this was that picture, but it took my breath away beforeI realized what it was. Someone looking at it could say, well that's just a picture of a dark haired man, but this picture to me seemed different. I believe it and it is such an indescribable feeling to think about.
Kind of the same feeling I get when I think about God and Heaven. I am so glad for this time I have had to travel on this journey and discover who I am and where I came from. And, while I know the journey is not over yet, and it is not all "sunshine and roses" and sometimes life is hard and sometimes it just downright sucks, it's important to remember that there is a reason for everything that happens; that God does answer prayers(and not always in a straight-forward way); and that we all have a wonderful forever home where the front door is always open, we just have to walk inside.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Changes
I took my son shopping. No big deal I know, but to us this was amazing! He was helpful and happy and we had a great time. In the past it would have turned into a meltdown by aisle 3 when he wouldn't stay by me and keep from grabbing everything in sight. I have learned ways to talk to him, how to get him to do what I need of him without argument. Not to say every day is peachy, but the bad days are getting fewer and farther between. I am finding myself more often doing things I used to dread with him(shopping, for example) Each week he seems to come out of his visit with Dr B a happier little kid. We are also learning how to do things as we go along. We have discovered new ways to be better parents, not just to a kid with ADD, but to each of our kids. We are trying to fit in more one on one time with each kid and more family time. We are slowly becoming more patient and understanding, and (simply enough) he is now doing the same. It is so perfectly clear to me now that kids take their cues from us and they will behave how we anticipate they will behave. We still have a long way to go and everything's not exactly perfect, but compared to how things were going a few months ago, it is a big improvement. His new medicine is, I'm told, mostly out of his system by the time he comes home in the afternoon. I don't see any drowsiness, he still eats like crazy and falls asleep right on time every night. His teachers notice it during the day, tho. He is more focused and moving ahead in his reading group at a very fast pace. He even brought home a reading award last week! We bought all the kids new fishing poles this weekend and with spring coming are excited to go spend some days relaxing in the best way possible....with each other!!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
ADD?
I love my son. He is beautiful and at times can be the sweetest and most charming kid I have ever seen....then there are other times.
He has a pretty normal life. He has a mom, dad and 2 sisters. Life started out pretty normally for him. When he was an infant he ate good, slept good, never fussed too much, overall he was very happy. He started walking and talking a little later then his sisters, but hey, boys take a little longer right? He still reached all of his milestones in good time. As a toddler, he was very active. Never sat still always running or climbing or jumping, pretty much a typical boy. Then I started to notice little differences. He would be a little louder, a little more tempermental. And if you made him mad he didn't care who you were, he would let you know. And crowds, not good. There is a show every March where businesses set up in the local high school gym and EVERYONE from town walks thru and checks it out. I have always loved to go and just spend the day walking around and his sister loved all the booths and the people, but every time I took him he freaked out. The first time he was a toddler and was just very fussy, then as he got older he would act out and it seemed he was deliberately doing whatever he could to get me to take him out of there. Then there is the carnival every summer, same problem. Circus, yep that too. I'm still not sure if it is the crowd or the noise or a mixture of both, but he just can't handle it. Now he is older and can communicate this better, he will just ask to leave. He gave away his wristband last year and left the carnival after only about an hour of rides.
He will still tell you what he thinks of you, no matter who you are. I try to think positive, it's good to have an opinion, but it seems he does not differentiate between different roles that people have in life. He will talk to a stranger like he would to me. He will tell them anything, ask them anything.
He also can't handle changes in routine. He likes to know what is coming and doesn't like changing from what he is used to. I know many kids are like this, but if we change stuff, sometimes small stuff that I don't even notice, his behavior goes downhill for days. Christmas and summer breaks are always hard the first few days home and the first few days back.
All of this together made me start to wonder, how much can be shrugged off as normal kid stuff, and how much is too much. How much of his behavior can he control and how much is beyond his control. I spent many hours debating over whether to get some professional advice or see if he grows out of it. Then he began kindergarten. Now his birthday is very late in the summer so we chose to start at 6, rather then 5 years old. He was academically ready at 5, but he needed a little extra time to develop socially so he was completely ready. It didn't take long before notes and phone calls started. He would tell the teacher he didn't want to do his work and had no problems telling them what he thought. But the thing that scared me the most was learning that he couldn't seem to get along with anyone, even the other kids. I realized that he played very well with another kid, if it was just them, but in a group he just couldn't get what to do or say and would always end up fighting with someone. His teacher mentioned that many times at recess he would just walk with her rather then go play.
I started to really struggle with the thought that we were doing something wrong. Were we not being strict enough with him? Were we too strict? And if it is something I am doing, why was his sister so well behaved, never got in trouble had a whole group of friends. I began talking to other moms, who would say I am doing it right, but it became harder to believe. Then one mom mentioned Aspergers, then another, finally after hearing it from a 3rd person, I made an appointment for the test. A whole afternoon of testing later, my husband and I sat down to hear that he did have many of the signs of Aspergers, but not quite enough. No, she said he has Attention Deficit Disorder and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. As we told her that his attention seems fine, she explained that it is more than just hyperactivity, there are different forms of ADD and his is more impulsive then hyperactive. The ADD leaves him with a feeling of loss of control, so to compensate, he takes control over the only thing he can, his behavior. So we began having him visit once a week with a psychologist who can help him work thru what is going on in his life. And we noticed a difference quickly. He loves going to see her and looks forward to it. But the behavior problems didn't disappear, he was still having issues in school so it was decided he needs to try some medication. We started with a small dose of a blood pressure medicine that is also used for ADD, and we got almost a month of this well behaved, caring boy that I always knew was in there, just waiting to get out! Then almost over night he began slipping backwards until it seemed he was having more problems then before the medication. So that brings us to where we are today. His teacher says he is so incredibly intelligent, he should be way ahead of where he is in school, he just won't let himself get there. He won't do what's needed of him to get ahead. After school is a constant battle to get chores done and to just listen to me until dinner is ready. Now he will sit perfectly still and not say a word all afternoon....if I set him by the TV, but I just can't do that. I want him to stay active and help around the house. I don't want Spongebob babysitting. So I turn it off and fight him to get everything done, sometimes all afternoon. So, tomorrow he is supposed to begin his first dose of an actual stimulant ADD medication..and I am scared to death!! Will it work? Will he get better or worse? Is it really necessary? I am so worried about what it will or won't do to him, but I just feel I have to try. I have to do everything I can to try to make sure he is happy. That is how any parent feels. And I know he is not happy, I see how sad he is and I know he is trying. So we will try this in the morning and I will spend my day waiting and worrying and hoping for the best.
He has a pretty normal life. He has a mom, dad and 2 sisters. Life started out pretty normally for him. When he was an infant he ate good, slept good, never fussed too much, overall he was very happy. He started walking and talking a little later then his sisters, but hey, boys take a little longer right? He still reached all of his milestones in good time. As a toddler, he was very active. Never sat still always running or climbing or jumping, pretty much a typical boy. Then I started to notice little differences. He would be a little louder, a little more tempermental. And if you made him mad he didn't care who you were, he would let you know. And crowds, not good. There is a show every March where businesses set up in the local high school gym and EVERYONE from town walks thru and checks it out. I have always loved to go and just spend the day walking around and his sister loved all the booths and the people, but every time I took him he freaked out. The first time he was a toddler and was just very fussy, then as he got older he would act out and it seemed he was deliberately doing whatever he could to get me to take him out of there. Then there is the carnival every summer, same problem. Circus, yep that too. I'm still not sure if it is the crowd or the noise or a mixture of both, but he just can't handle it. Now he is older and can communicate this better, he will just ask to leave. He gave away his wristband last year and left the carnival after only about an hour of rides.
He will still tell you what he thinks of you, no matter who you are. I try to think positive, it's good to have an opinion, but it seems he does not differentiate between different roles that people have in life. He will talk to a stranger like he would to me. He will tell them anything, ask them anything.
He also can't handle changes in routine. He likes to know what is coming and doesn't like changing from what he is used to. I know many kids are like this, but if we change stuff, sometimes small stuff that I don't even notice, his behavior goes downhill for days. Christmas and summer breaks are always hard the first few days home and the first few days back.
All of this together made me start to wonder, how much can be shrugged off as normal kid stuff, and how much is too much. How much of his behavior can he control and how much is beyond his control. I spent many hours debating over whether to get some professional advice or see if he grows out of it. Then he began kindergarten. Now his birthday is very late in the summer so we chose to start at 6, rather then 5 years old. He was academically ready at 5, but he needed a little extra time to develop socially so he was completely ready. It didn't take long before notes and phone calls started. He would tell the teacher he didn't want to do his work and had no problems telling them what he thought. But the thing that scared me the most was learning that he couldn't seem to get along with anyone, even the other kids. I realized that he played very well with another kid, if it was just them, but in a group he just couldn't get what to do or say and would always end up fighting with someone. His teacher mentioned that many times at recess he would just walk with her rather then go play.
I started to really struggle with the thought that we were doing something wrong. Were we not being strict enough with him? Were we too strict? And if it is something I am doing, why was his sister so well behaved, never got in trouble had a whole group of friends. I began talking to other moms, who would say I am doing it right, but it became harder to believe. Then one mom mentioned Aspergers, then another, finally after hearing it from a 3rd person, I made an appointment for the test. A whole afternoon of testing later, my husband and I sat down to hear that he did have many of the signs of Aspergers, but not quite enough. No, she said he has Attention Deficit Disorder and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. As we told her that his attention seems fine, she explained that it is more than just hyperactivity, there are different forms of ADD and his is more impulsive then hyperactive. The ADD leaves him with a feeling of loss of control, so to compensate, he takes control over the only thing he can, his behavior. So we began having him visit once a week with a psychologist who can help him work thru what is going on in his life. And we noticed a difference quickly. He loves going to see her and looks forward to it. But the behavior problems didn't disappear, he was still having issues in school so it was decided he needs to try some medication. We started with a small dose of a blood pressure medicine that is also used for ADD, and we got almost a month of this well behaved, caring boy that I always knew was in there, just waiting to get out! Then almost over night he began slipping backwards until it seemed he was having more problems then before the medication. So that brings us to where we are today. His teacher says he is so incredibly intelligent, he should be way ahead of where he is in school, he just won't let himself get there. He won't do what's needed of him to get ahead. After school is a constant battle to get chores done and to just listen to me until dinner is ready. Now he will sit perfectly still and not say a word all afternoon....if I set him by the TV, but I just can't do that. I want him to stay active and help around the house. I don't want Spongebob babysitting. So I turn it off and fight him to get everything done, sometimes all afternoon. So, tomorrow he is supposed to begin his first dose of an actual stimulant ADD medication..and I am scared to death!! Will it work? Will he get better or worse? Is it really necessary? I am so worried about what it will or won't do to him, but I just feel I have to try. I have to do everything I can to try to make sure he is happy. That is how any parent feels. And I know he is not happy, I see how sad he is and I know he is trying. So we will try this in the morning and I will spend my day waiting and worrying and hoping for the best.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Life
I thought it would be nice to have a place where I could write about the ups and downs of being a mom. There are many days where it feels I have no control over what goes on and I really am just along for the ride. I think in many ways God has a plan for my life and even if I try to change my path, I still end up right where He wants me. I married at 19 to a man who has become my best friend and partner in raising our 3 kids. Everyone who knows me knows my family and their names, but I was advised when starting a blog to use no names. Alot of people use just first letters, but I have decided to just use different names all together. Each of my kids had a name picked out for them towards the beginning of the pregnancy, but we went with a different name in the end. So I am using those names to describe my daughters-Samantha(9) and Mckenna(4) and my son Anthony(7). I have so much to write and so little time to write it in. So I think I will leave things here for right now and write some more later :)
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